Facing the News with Honesty and Timing
When a parent hears the words leukemia about their child, the world narrows to a single question: How do we tell him, when do we tell him, and what is the right way to say it? I’m Chris Mallinos from Ottawa, and my son Theo has been undergoing treatment for leukemia. This is a memory of the moment we chose to start the conversation, the approach we used, and the ongoing work of keeping Theo informed, hopeful, and supported. There is no perfect script, but there are choices you can make to preserve trust and protect your child’s sense of safety.
First Steps: Readiness, Not Timing
We began with Theo’s level of understanding and his questions. A child’s readiness isn’t about clock hours—it’s about emotional cues. He asked simple questions at first and then pushed for more detail as he processed new information from doctors and nurses. I looked for signs: curiosity, fear, or avoidance. If your child seems overwhelmed, you can slow down the pace, offer brief explanations, and return later with more information when they’re ready.
How Much to Share at Each Stage
At diagnosis, we focused on three core ideas: this is serious, we will take care of him, and you are safe with us. It’s OK to acknowledge uncertainty and to name what you don’t know. For Theo, we used simple language: “You have blood cancer called leukemia. The doctors will do treatments to help your body fight it. Some days will be hard, and that’s okay.” Then we invited him to ask questions and told him we would answer honestly as best as we could.
Words That Respect a Child’s Experience
Language matters. We avoided euphemisms that could confuse a child or make him feel alone. Terms like “cancer” can feel scary, but they’re also accurate and honest. We paired explanations with reassurance: “Hospitals are where doctors help people get better. You’ll have nurses who know how to keep you safe.” We also emphasized what Theo could control—his feelings, questions, and daily routines where possible.
Incorporating Family and Routine
Maintaining a sense of normalcy is essential. We kept some routines simple and predictable: meals together, reading time, and a trusted bedtime routine. We explained changes that come with treatment—hospital visits, injections, or flares of fatigue—so Theo wouldn’t feel blindsided during a tough day. We also introduced a family “circle of support” that included a caregiver, a school contact, and a few trusted friends who could check in without being intrusive.
School, Friends, and Social Life
Children thrive when they know how to explain their situation to peers. With Theo, we prepared a short, age-appropriate explanation for school and classmates, plus a plan for staying connected with friends. We trusted his pace—some days he wanted to talk, other days he preferred quiet. We encouraged messages from teachers and friends, which reminded him he wasn’t alone and that his identity extended beyond illness.
When to Bring in the Medical Details
Medical information is vital, but it should be shared when the child asks for it and can handle it. We answered questions directly and avoided overly technical jargon. If you’re unsure, speak with your child’s medical team to determine what level of detail is appropriate. The goal is transparency without overwhelming the child with responses that are too clinical or distant.
Supporting Parents Through the Conversation
Parents need support too. It’s natural to feel fear, guilt, or sadness. Talk with your partner, trusted family members, or a counselor. A shared narrative—where both parents are aligned in tone and information—helps children feel steadier. We also created a private space where we could process our own emotions and then re-engage with Theo with calm and clarity.
Looking Ahead: Ongoing Conversation
Leukemia treatment is a journey with ups and downs. The initial talk isn’t a one-and-done moment; it’s the start of an ongoing conversation. Check in regularly on how Theo is feeling, what he’s worried about, and what would help him feel safer and more hopeful. Your child’s questions will evolve, and your answers should too, always anchored in honesty, trust, and love.
Practical Takeaways
- Assess readiness and pace conversations to match how your child processes information.
- Use clear, honest language appropriate for your child’s age.
- Involve trusted caregivers and the school to sustain support and normalcy.
- Ask medical professionals for guidance on what to share and when.
- Keep the door open for questions and reassure your child that they are not alone.
Our family’s journey with Theo’s leukemia is ongoing, and we still navigate daily decisions, hospital visits, and the emotional tides of treatment. But we’ve learned that choosing honesty, steady communication, and compassionate listening makes a real difference for a child facing a serious illness—and for the parents trying to guide him through it.
