Facing the Silence: A Personal Truth About Pregnancy Loss
When many people picture pregnancy, they imagine joy, anticipation, and celebrations. But for one in five women in Ireland, pregnancy loss or stillbirth casts a long shadow over those early days, turning hope into anxiety and fear. This is the story of grief that lives in the daily routine—the mornings when three children need dressing, and the ache of what could have been.
Two Lives, Six Pregnancies: The Hidden Cost of Loss
I have been pregnant six times, yet I have only three children to dress each morning. The losses were different, yet the emotions shared a thread of fear: fear of health scares, fear of heartbreak, fear of joy. The first loss can arrive with no warning, especially during times of disruption, such as the covid pandemic when cycles grew unpredictable. The second, the third, and the days that followed carried a heavier burden: the ritual of hope followed by the sting of emptiness.
Smiling While Suffocating: The Mask We Wear
“I was suffocating, but smiling.” That line captures the paradox of early pregnancy after loss. People expect excitement, yet a protective wall forms to guard the heart. Each test becomes a mix of relief and dread, a reminder that joy can be fragile and that planning for the future invites the risk of another loss.
The Irish Experience: Silence, Support, and the Need for Community
There is a cultural tendency to guard pregnancies until after the 12-week scan, but the truth is that support is most needed from the moment loss threatens. In Ireland, as in many places, the absence of open conversation can leave women feeling isolated. Speaking up—telling a trusted partner, seeking counselling, or sharing with a supportive community—creates a lifeline during the most vulnerable times.
Managing the Aftermath: Practical Steps for Healing
Healing is not linear, and every journey is unique. Several strategies can help: welcoming support from partners and family, considering hospital counselling, and finding ways to honor the babies who were not meant to stay. For some, unfollowing certain social media accounts or muting pregnancy content helps shield against painful reminders. Others keep the babies’ memory alive by saying their names, marking due dates with a text to loved ones, or creating personal rituals that feel right.
Let’s Talk About the Babies We Lost
All babies who were loved and hoped for, regardless of how far along, carry a place in the family story. The grief does not disappear with time; it evolves. Acknowledging the losses publicly or privately helps others recognize that they are not alone. Saying their names, marking their dates, and sharing memories can lessen the loneliness that accompanies baby loss.
Finding Light Through Connection and Care
What helped me most was finding my tribe and learning to protect my emotional space. Talk to your partner openly, seek professional support when needed, and allow yourself to grieve in ways that honor your child’s memory. Baby loss is not spoken about enough, but its impact reaches far beyond the individual. By naming the losses, supporting one another, and remembering these babies in meaningful ways, we keep their presence alive in our hearts.
All of these babies, no matter how far along, were loved, wanted, and treasured—and they always will be.
