The Unequal Burden of Grief
Across the world, motherhood is often framed as a haven of care and protection. Yet for many women, it becomes a lifelong trial of guilt and doubt when tragedy strikes or when public discourse paints uncertain, sometimes harmful pictures of what they should or should not do. A recent UNICEF report on the Middle East and North Africa starkly illustrates this pain: millions of children are displaced, maimed, or killed in conflict, and the burden of meaning often lands on the shoulders of mothers who wonder what more they could have done. As families struggle with loss, the question of responsibility lingers, not just for the parents who survive, but for every mother who fears that her choices might have altered a child’s fate.
From the sidewalk to the newsroom, I have met countless mothers who live with a recurring, haunting question: If only I had acted differently, would the outcome have changed? The answer, too often, is heartbreakingly simple: we cannot predict every danger, and we cannot control every fate. Yet the impulse to assign blame—to speculate about missed opportunities—remains one of motherhood’s most persistent burdens.
Guilt as a Global Phenomenon
This survivor’s guilt transcends borders. It is felt by mothers whose children were harmed in school shootings, in car accidents, or by illness; by those who lost infants in the quiet hush after miscarriage; and by women facing the moral certainty that they could have done something differently. The emotional calculus is excruciating: what if the day’s ordinary choices—going to the shops, staying home, or taking a certain precaution—were the thin line between life and loss?
Over my decades in journalism, I have heard many versions of the same refrain. In each case, the grieving mother remains tethered to a decision she could not foresee and a risk she could not eradicate. The human mind, in its bid for control, often converts diffuse fear into a narrative of responsibility, which can become a heavy personal burden that outlasts the event itself.
Misconceptions, Fear, and the Misinformation Cycle
Beyond personal tragedy, women frequently shoulder the extra weight of misinformation. Decisions about a child’s health—such as vaccination strategies—are commonly navigated by mothers in the face of conflicting information. The MMR-autism controversy of the 1990s, though discredited, left a lasting imprint: mothers worried whether they should vaccinate, fearing harm to their children while also fearing disease from non-vaccination. Even now, medical consensus sometimes struggles to cut through the noise of social media and sensational headlines, and mothers continue to wrestle with doubt in an environment that rewards certainty even when evidence is nuanced.
The rhetoric around pregnancy and medication has grown noisier. Recent public discourse in the United States linked acetaminophen use during pregnancy to autism, despite a lack of credible scientific support. The result is not a decisive public health benefit but increased anxiety among expectant mothers and a further erosion of trust in conventional medicine. In this climate, women are forced to make heart-wrenching choices with imperfect information, and the burden of responsibility is magnified when outcomes are severe or tragic.
Searching for Solid Ground
What can be done to ease this burden? First, acknowledge the universality of maternal guilt and the limits of what any parent can predict or prevent. Supportive communities, clear and transparent health guidance, and accountability for information sources are essential. Public health messaging should aim to empower, not shame, and must distinguish between legitimate uncertainties and unfounded claims. Secondly, reporting and advocacy should center on the lived experiences of mothers—validating their feelings, providing practical support, and avoiding sensationalism that reinforces blame.
Ultimately, the goal is not to absolve responsibility where it exists, but to dismantle the myth that mothers are sole custodians of every potential outcome. In a world where millions of children face peril, and where misinformation competes with science, mothers deserve reliable information, empathetic support, and a public conversation that recognizes the limits of certainty while steadfastly protecting the health and safety of every child.
Peter Harrison is a senior editor at Arab News in the Dubai office. His years covering the Middle East inform a compassion-led approach to reporting on family and health issues. X: @PhotoPJHarrison
Disclaimer: Views expressed by writers in this section are their own and do not necessarily reflect Arab News’ point of view.
